Letters to You
by CatieBella
Summary: Hermione finally realizes that she loves Ron, but might it be too late?
1. I Miss You, I Miss You So

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing Harry Potter or the Finch song "Letters to You" which the title and chapter names come from.  
  
Hermione watched as Ron Weasley and Lavender Brown walked towards the barrier for Platform 9 and 3/4 holding hands. She looked away quickly. She shook her head. Had she been jealous there for a moment? She knew that they were taking a two-week rest stop at Lavender's house before heading on over to the Burrow for a few weeks and then who knew what was to come after that. This summer was different in so many ways. For the first time since Hermione was eleven years old, she didn't have to worry about what a Dark Lord named Voldemort was up to. And everybody else her age, they had just said goodbye to Hogwarts. They weren't going to return again on September 1st, save Neville who was going back to be Professor Sprout's assistant before she retired in a year or so and he'd take over full time. Suddenly they were free to do what they want. Hermione was eager to go find a job in the Wizarding World of course, but the rest of her friends had other, more relaxing plans. Ron and Lavender disappeared through the brick barrier, followed by Harry and Ginny. Hermione sighed and thought to herself, "What was once a trio is now two couples and a fifth wheel."  
  
Later that night, after she returned from dinner with her parents, Hermione sat at her desk in her room listening to music and just enjoying the breeze that was coming through in the window. She wasn't up to date with Muggle music since she spent most of the year in the Wizard World. Some of the songs seemed pretty absurd to her and what she had seen of a music video earlier had made her laugh. Girls dancing around in tall shoes and short skirts and funny make up. She wondered what Ron would think of it all. Everything Muggle either confused him or made him laugh. This would probably make him do both. She was saddened by the thought of Ron. They had said their goodbyes on the train that afternoon. He'd said, "See ya around...I guess." Then he turned and left the compartment, most likely in search of Lavender. They had been such good friends, but since he started dating Lavender, they just sort of drifted apart. Hermione thought back to sixth year, when "Ron and Lavender" had first begun. One early November morning at breakfast, Hermione noticed that Ron was not all there. She nudged Harry and pointed to Ron, who was now completely zoned out. Harry snapped his fingers in front of Ron's face. "Hey mate! Anybody in there?" Ron blinked and looked at Harry, a puzzled expression on his face. "What?" he asked. "Nice of you to join us, Ron," Hermione had said. "What's on your mind? That dance?" Harry asked. The night before, a notice had been posted in the common room about a Spring Formal dance that was going to be held in June. "Thanks for bringing that up, I had almost forgotten about it," Ron said distantly, staring off at the end of the table. Harry and Hermione followed his gaze to...Lavender Brown?? That couldn't be right. Harry cleared his throat. Ron looked away from Lavender, his cheeks a bit red. "Um, Ron? Lavender?" Harry asked. Ron looked down at his plate, blushing even more. He mumbled something that sounded a lot like, "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmdance." "What?" both Harry and Hermione asked. "Seamus and Lavender broke up a few weeks ago and it looks like he's after some other girl so I was thinking that I might ask her to that dance," Ron said, getting quieter and quieter so that Harry and Hermione had to lean in to hear what he was saying. They looked back to the end of the table. Sure enough, Lavender was sitting there poking at her food with a fork and glancing at Seamus every now and then who was talking to a seventh year Ravenclaw. "Lavender...she's nice," Harry said, looking over at Hermione. "You...you don't like her?" Ron asked. "No, no! It's not that. I just thought that you liked somebody else," Harry said, once again looking at Hermione. Hermione stood up in a huff. "Ha ha, Ron liking me. That's real funny Harry!" she hissed through clenched teeth, and then marched off. It had only been the night before, right after the notice was posted, that Hermione had confided in Harry that she was hoping Ron would ask her to the dance, not so much as a date, but because he was her best male friend. Well, her best male friend that wasn't taken. Sixth year. It had been so long ago. Since that morning in the Great Hall, it had become Harry and Ron, the inseparable male best friends, and Hermione, their female friend that hung out with them every so often. Since that morning, she considered herself closer to Harry than Ron. Suddenly, she realized that they wouldn't have school in the fall to become better friends. She couldn't lose that amazing friendship they had once had. She had to do something. Hermione stood up so quickly, her chair toppled over, causing the CD player to skip. She ran across the room to her trunk and rummaged around for parchment and a quill. She was going to write a letter to Ron and tell him how she truly felt.  
  
"Dear Ron," it began, just like so many of her letters to him in the summer had begun. She didn't know what to say next. "I miss you" just seemed to short. Where does one start when they are writing a letter to a special person to show them how awesome their relationship was and to show them how much they'd both be losing. It's best to start at the beginning...  
  
Dear Ron,  
I remember the first time I ever saw you. Everybody was on the platform and I didn't know a single person there and I was frightened because they all seemed so cool and sophisticated but then I saw a flash of red hair and a little boy getting a smudge wiped off his face by his mother and I realized that there was another person out there who wasn't perfect. Someone like me. Later that afternoon on the train, I remember coming into your compartment. You were trying a "spell" out on your rat. That's when I knew you weren't perfect but I think that's also the moment I developed a little innocent schoolgirl crush on you. You were my Prince Charming, my knight in shining armor. At night I would dream that some day we would get married and have kids and live in a little white house with a picket fence and flowers. I was eleven. In my mind, anything was possible. Back then, I didn't think that people changed and time went on and some day I might not like you in that way anymore.  
Eventually I came to my senses and saw that you could be a prat sometimes, but you were still a great friend. In fact, you were more than a friend. You were the brother I never had. I knew I had somebody to turn to, whether I needed comfort or to complain about homework or because some evil person had called me a Mudblood. You were always there for me.  
I knew better than to take you for granted, all those times I was with you as you started death in the face. It didn't really hit me until I was older. I remember it very clearly. It was fifth year, after the night in the Department of Mysteries. You were lying in bed in the hospital wing, sleeping very peacefully. Your arms, all bandaged, rested on top of the blankets. And that's when it hit me. I could have lost you. I could have woken up and have found that you were not there, that suddenly I'd have no big brother, I'd be missing a best friend. I remember crying and crying and Madame Pomfrey came in and asked what was wrong and I just sobbed and said, "He could have died!" and she patted me on the back and said, 'Yes, but he didn't. Your friendship is very special." That summer, it seemed like we were closer than ever.  
Maybe a part of me held on to that little girl dream of us being the perfect couple. In sixth year, when Professor Dumbledore announced that we would be having that Spring Formal dance, I tried to think of somebody to take, but the only person I could think of was you. I thought it would be more fun to go with you as just friends that find somebody I barely knew and brought him as a date. But then one morning you told us that you wanted to bring Lavender to the dance. And even though I had stopped liking you ages ago, it was like my little dream bubble popped. Don't dream, it's over. Something like that.  
Anyway. You and Lavender started dating that winter and you guys went to the dance together in the spring and I remember hearing you say, "I miss Lavender" every single day during the summer between sixth year and seventh year. I don't know when it was, but suddenly we started hanging out less. Maybe it was during that summer. I spent the whole summer at your house, but it seems like I never got to hang out with you. You were never truly there, your mind was always somewhere else. With somebody else. Lavender. So summer was wasted and school started again and you spent all your time with Lavender but I didn't really realize it. I guess I was busy with studying and whatnot. I started noticing the little things during the year, though. I noticed you didn't sit with us at meals. I noticed that you weren't in the common room. Or studying in the library. Or just with us, with me, at all.  
And today I felt something that I hadn't felt in a long time. I was sitting at home tonight and I realized that you were gone. That I have truly lost you. And I think that this is even worse than death. Because if you died, I know that nothing can bring you back and that you're not here. But this, you're alive, you're just not here. And it hurts so much to know that I've lost you. There has to be something I can do to bring you back and I think this is it.  
Something completely random reminded me of you and suddenly I just couldn't stop thinking about you and I thought of every single reason why I...I love you. Because I actually do. Ron, I love you. It's just that I don't know where those words have been. Maybe I've felt this way since I was eleven years old and I just hid it somewhere in my mind. But I love you and I hope you still love me, even if as only friends.  
-Till the end, Hermione 


	2. I Wanna Be There With Open Arms

Ron and his girlfriend, Lavender, were walking towards the barrier of Platform 9 and 3/4. He had been going out with Lavender since the middle of sixth year. Almost a year and a half now. But lately, things had been feeling odd. It was as if he was a stranger in this relationship. And if Lavender noticed at all, she didn't call attention to it. Maybe it was because they were done with school and other couples from their class that had been dating this long were thinking at a different level. Like marriage. And maybe because it was just because their relationship was worn in and comfortable, but Ron was starting to think about marriage too. He shook the thought from his mind. Right as he was about to go through the barrier, he turned back and looked over to the girl that had been his best friend for almost all the past seven years of his life. She was standing there, so close, but so far. Her back was turned to him. He sighed and walked through the barrier.  
  
Ron was spending the first two weeks of summer at Lavender's home, halfway between London and the Burrow. Her home was too perfect. Everything was too quiet. One would think that he would have lots of privacy in a setting like this, but it was actually the opposite. Lavender was just always around. He finally got some alone time in the shower the next morning. That's when he started thinking of Hermione. Their goodbye yesterday had been quite odd. He had gone into the compartment that she was sitting in by herself as they neared London. When he slid open the door, she stood up very fast. "Have a good time," she said, nodding her head slowly. He said his goodbye, she turned and stared out the window before he even left. His relationship with her had changed over the past year and a half. He didn't notice, maybe because he was too busy falling in love with Lavender. It hit him one day at breakfast during seventh year when he was sitting at one end of the table with Lavender and her friends and Hermione was sitting all by herself at the other end. Harry and Ginny were nowhere to be seen. That morning he realized that he hadn't been spending much time with Hermione at all. He hadn't even seen her around much. He remembered that from that morning on, he wanted to talk to Hermione, just to say anything, but she was never there. It was like she was hiding. And then he didn't know how to fix things. It was when he realized that his relationship with Hermione had fallen apart that every other thing in his life fell apart too. That's when he started doing things because it was simply routine. Talking to Harry at Quidditch because it was routine. Sending the weekly letter home to Mum "Hi Mum, how are you? I'm fine. Lavender's doing good too. Tell everybody else I said hi" because it was routine. Nothing had meaning anymore now that she was gone. It was like a part of him was dead.  
  
That's when he had the biggest realization of his entire life. Well, his entire life so far, so only eighteen years and then some. His heart skipped a beat and then plummeted. He loved Hermione. Here he was at his girlfriend's house, who, by the way, was just sitting around waiting for him to propose and he's realizing that he loves the girl that was his best friend. He loved her, but he had lost her. He quickly dashed out of the shower and into his room. Before he toweled off and got dressed, he grabbed some parchment and quickly began scribbling -  
  
Dear Hermione,  
I miss you. Remember in second year when you were petrified? You probably don't know this, but every free moment I had, I spent sitting by your bedside, just praying that you'd wake up. And I hate to say it, but right now I'd rather have you petrified than whatever you are because back then I knew that eventually you were going to wake up and we'd be best of friends again but right now I don't know what's going to happen. You've probably heard some rumors that I was going to ask Lavender to marry me. Well, they weren't rumors. That was the truth up until about two minutes ago. That's when I realized that I love you.  
  
He stopped the letter there. He hadn't been thinking. What a ridiculous thing to write him. Knowing Hermione, he'd probably get two howlers back, one from her and one from his mother after she wrote to Ginny to tell her. Oh and there's another. Ginny would most likely be the first to send one. He crumpled up the parchment and left it on his dresser. Later, after he'd gotten dressed, he stuffed it into his pocket. He carried it around with him all day. He had forgotten about it by the time the six o'clock news came on. It was then that Lavender snuck up behind him and whispered in his ear, "Let's sneak away for a bit while Mum's cooking." It was when he was pressing Lavender up against a tree in a park down the road from her house that he felt the letter in his pocket. He shifted so he didn't feel it anymore. The guilt. A few minutes later, an owl swooped down, dropping a letter between Ron and Lavender. All it said was "Ron" on it. But it was in Hermione's neat handwriting. Had she read his mind? Lavender thought nothing of the letter. Ron and Hermione were just friends. "Lavender, can we go back to your house now? This letter is very important," Ron said, suddenly sounding much older. "I need to read it alone." She nodded and they walked back to her house together, this time not holding hands.  
  
Much later that night when everybody else was sleeping, Ron left the home of Lavender Brown. He had left only a short note on the bedside table. "Lavender - Sometimes people make mistakes. I can't live comfortably. - Ron." He apparated without looking back. 


	3. No More Looking, I've Found Home

A/N: Here's the ending, it's kinda short and I know it took me a ridiculously long time, but I have more stories coming, hopefully in a timely fashion! Anyway, insert the usual "I don't own this" schpeel here haha.  
  
Hermione woke with a start and glanced over at the digital clock on her nightstand. Three thirty-eight in the morning. "There better be a good reason for all that noise," she thought, getting up to go to her window. She pushed aside the curtain and saw a shadowy figure standing next to a trunk on the sidewalk in front of her house. "What the..." she mumbled to herself. The person outside didn't make any move to come to the door. She went downstairs and opened the front door. The figure turned towards her. "Ron?" she breathed.  
  
He walked a few steps towards her. "'Mione, I erm...wrote you a letter this morning, hours before I read yours," he said. Hermione put her hands on her hips. "I never got a letter, Ron," she said, suspiciously. Ron fumbled around in his pocket and even in the darkness Hermione could tell that he was blushing. "I didn't get around to sending it. I thought that...I thought that you'd think it was stupid and that you wouldn't understand what I was getting at," he looked up at her and started to speak faster, "I knew something was wrong and that I missed you. And then I got your letter and you felt the same as me and I...well, I kinda just grabbed my trunk and left." Hermione took a step towards him, closing the door behind her. "What are you trying to tell me?" she asked slowly. Ron took a step and handed her the letter he had never sent. "Just read it," he said and took a deep breath. Hermione's eyes moved so fast over the parchment, they looked like a blur. He saw her staring at the last line. "Is this true?" she whispered. He placed a finger under her chin and lifted her head so she was looking into his eyes. "Look at me, look at my eyes," he said, seeing that she had tears in her own. He wiped them away. "What do you think?" he asked, leaning in and kissing her right on the lips. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled his face back. "Why did I wait so long to do this?" he asked to nobody in particular, then went back for more. 


End file.
